


You don't get slayed, you get chopped

by Aragorn_II_Elessar



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV), Friday the 13th Series (Movies)
Genre: And the misogynist dies a brutal death, Brutal Murder, Misogyny, Murder, Post-Episode: s05e22 The Gift, Post-Season/Series 05, Post-Season/Series 05 Finale, Pre-Episode: s06e01 Bargaining, Pre-Season/Series 06, Pre-Season/Series 06 Premiere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:08:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28109847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aragorn_II_Elessar/pseuds/Aragorn_II_Elessar
Summary: Between Seasons 5 and 6, Warren decides to go on a vacation to get over his breakup with Katrina and to prepare himself to face Buffy. And where does he go? Camp Crystal Lake!
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	You don't get slayed, you get chopped

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Buffyverse, Friday The 13th or anything else you may recognize
> 
> This is just more sadistic torture of Warren Mears, so anyone who despises him as much as I do is welcome here.

Warren Mears hated that Slayer called Buffy Summers so much. If only she hadn't come to his door to ask him about April, then he and Katrina would have been together forever, and he would make sure Katrina became as submissive to him as April was, since women were best that way, and someone as smart as Katrina being nothing more than his little slave who would only open her mouth for his thing was a total wet dream which Warren wanted to make a reality.

But because of that Slayer, Katrina had dumped him, so now he would take his revenge.

So Warren had decided to go out on a vacation for a bit, both to get over Katrina, and train himself to get to peak physical condition.

And he had chosen a very infamous place- Camp Crystal Lake!

He had heard of some psychotic serial killer who had murdered anyone who came there, but Warren wasn't concerned. He was going to train himself in beating a Slayer, so beating a psychotic serial killer, if he did exist, would be the perfect way to practice in how to beat a Slayer.

So Warren had decided he would train himself in martial arts and flexibility, though flexibility first, so he could do martial arts batter.

And so, after establishing himself in the area, Warren had done a little bit of boxing, hurting his hands badly, and then tried to do some flexible stuff, and to his shock, he had succeeded eventually, doing a handstand.

"Yes!" Warren yelled happily. "I am flexible! Now I just need to learn martial arts, and then gain super strength, and then I will kick that bitch's ass!"

He then started moving around on his hands, trying to maintain his hand stand.

" _Ki Ki Ki, Ma Ma Ma."_

Warren's heart stopped as he looked at a pair of feet in front of him, and then managed to twist his head to see a tall man wearing a hockey mask standing over him.

Jason Voorhees!

Before Warren could react, Jason raised his machete and brought it down on Warren. It hit his crotch, splitting his balls into two, and then went deeper, splitting his entire body into two, right up to his head, chopping the misogynist scumbag clean into two halves.

Jason breathed heavily, then carried the two halves away to his shack as a tribute to the head of his mother Pamela Voorhees.

**Author's Note:**

> AHAHAHAHAHAHA!
> 
> I think I should do one more like this, where Warren, to get over Katrina, between Seasons 5 and 6, goes on a drive to Texas, then runs out of fuel, and ends up knocking on the door of a certain family of cannibals, and one certain member of that family who wears human faces for masks chases him all over Texas with that chainsaw of his. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!
> 
> I don't think the shitbag Warren would actually be able to accomplish a handstand, but I wanted Jason to chop him from crotch to head, and thought this would be the best way, plus, that handstand kill from the 3rd film is one of the best in the franchise.
> 
> Hope everyone enjoyed and see you all next time with some other update. Stay safe from the coronavirus ya all!


End file.
